would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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