I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Randomize
