Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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