remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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