D3 body, D1 cock
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
