i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
