The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
