I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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