sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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