I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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