So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please don't give away my fajitas
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
