So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
