i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
