4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
