Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
