using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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