ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
