omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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