Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she peed on how many people?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
