U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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