just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
