what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish i was in the wii world.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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