I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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