mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
