Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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