i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
