I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
