You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
