I'm so fucking centered right now
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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