My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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