i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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