I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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