that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
