I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
