i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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