you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
