I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
