matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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