"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
