Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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