Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
