You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
