i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
