at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
