Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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