I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
