not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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