I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
