make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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