Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
