Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
